APPRECIATION #72: TALKING TO STRANGERS

When I think about talking to strangers, I think of two coffee shop conversations. One included a private rap concert, the other was an impassioned description of building designs with an aspiring architect.

He asked if he could show me something. I said, “Sure.” And this is when the private rap concert in the Cornelius Starbucks happened. After 2 minutes, I didn’t know how much longer I could do this. After 7 minutes, I wanted to see how much longer he could. I was listening, and he was rapping. At a certain point he started to foam at the mouth. There is a fine line between crazy and genius. He, seemed to me, was walking the line.

I was waiting to see the dentist. And it’s always a good time for a cup of coffee. I don’t know who initiated the conversation, but I do remember getting into an impassioned description of his greatest artistic project.

“You know how people like to do specific things in specific rooms?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I designed a moon room. What do you think you would do in the moon room?”

“Look at the moon?”

“Exactly.”

“Do you like donuts?”

“Sure.”

“Well, I had a room for that as well.”

“Could you eat a bagel in the donut room?”

This slowed his roll. He wasn’t sure. He said he’d have to think about it, and that under special circumstances there may be times when a room could be used for similar purposes.

Kio Stark’s Ted Talk: Why you should talk to strangers reminded me of all this. In the first minute she says, “I am obsessed with talking to strangers.” She goes on to explain why. She discusses the benefits, tells a few stories, and even suggests four ways of how to do it. I like this list. Check it out:

1. Smile.
2. Triangulation. Comment on something interesting that you both see.
3. Notice. Compliment someone. She suggests shoes.
4. Disclosure. Tell a stranger something true and personal.

One particularly profound point that she makes is that people tend to meet disclosure with disclosure. If you disclose something personal or vulnerable, the person you are speaking to is likely to do the same. I think this is true, but I am wrestling with a few bad memories of trying this with classes of high schoolers and encountering something rather unfortunate and unpleasant. Argh.

This is how she concludes her talk:

“So, here it is. When you talk to strangers, you’re making beautiful interruptions into the expected narrative of your daily life and theirs. You’re making unexpected connections. If you don’t talk to strangers, you’re missing out on all of that.”

– at 11:00 (ish)

These are all things I would hate to miss out on. Besides, my life would be problematic if I didn’t. It’s hard to get to know a new class without talking to them.